He keeps saying I'm overreacting or too sensitive β€” is it me?

Short answer: someone occasionally disagreeing with your read is normal. But if "you're overreacting" is his standard reply to every concern you raise, that reply is itself the signal β€” your concerns are never being discussed, only dismissed.

You installed a smoke alarm and it went off. Check for smoke before you decide the alarm is too sensitive.

The reason this one is hard to see from inside is that it's not a lie you can catch. Nobody is denying events β€” he's disputing your reaction to them, and reactions are genuinely subjective, so there's always a version where he's right. That ambiguity is the whole mechanism: it lets a conversation end without the original issue ever being addressed, and lets you walk away holding the fault.

So don't try to settle whether you're too sensitive. That question has no bottom. Ask a question that does: over the last three times, did the thing I raised ever get discussed on its own terms?

What it looks like

  • You bring up a specific thing; he skips the thing and reviews you instead: too sensitive, overthinking, dramatic
  • Conversations end with nothing resolved β€” except somehow you're the one apologizing
  • You rehearse your wording before raising anything, bracing for his reaction
  • Over time you start double-checking your own memory and defaulting to "maybe it's me"
  • You've started pre-editing: raising things smaller than they are, or not at all, because the fallout costs more than the issue
  • Other people's reactions surprise you β€” a friend hears the story and is far more bothered than you expected to be

How to read it

  • 🟒 He acknowledges how it landed for you, then addresses the actual issue β€” and his behavior changes afterward
  • 🟑 He smooths it over in the moment, but the same thing keeps happening β€” lots of apologies, little change
  • πŸ”΄ The issue itself never gets addressed; every conversation gets flipped into being about your flaws, and you've started believing it

What to do

  1. Write down the last three times you heard "you're overreacting": what you originally raised, what he said, whether the issue ever got resolved. Facts only.
  2. Next time, refuse the "am I too sensitive" frame and steer back: "Let's talk about the thing itself first." Watch whether the conversation can ever return to the thing.
  3. If it never can β€” your question has never once been answered. That is your answer. If all three write-ups still look ambiguous to you, walk herside through them and let her tell you whether that's three incidents or one pattern.

Not sure? Walk her through the details β€” she'll read the pattern with you

Talk it through β†’

If you're in a relationship that's hurting or controlling you, or you're struggling to hold on: The Hotline (thehotline.org) Β· 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US). Both free.