Tick what you recognise and see which layer each one falls into — the layers read very differently.No signup, nothing uploaded; it all runs in your own browser, so we never see what you ticked.

It won't tell you what kind of person he is, and it won't tell you whether to leave. No checklist can do either of those for you. What it gives you is material to judge with.

How he treats people

You raise a specific thing; he doesn't address it — he tells you you're too sensitive
Every past relationship was the other person's fault; he was always the innocent one
Every job ended because they were out to get him — never once his own doing
Talks down to service staff, snaps when something goes wrong, never notices afterward
Details don't line up; when you ask, he says you're misremembering
After drinking he brings up old grievances or humiliates you, then doesn't remember
His friends of the opposite sex are fine; yours mean you don't know your place

How he runs this relationship

It's been a while and you've met none of his friends — and he never makes it happen
"Let's just see where it goes" is his go-to line
Intense one week, then read-but-no-reply for days
You only meet when it suits him, at short notice — your calendar stays open for him
Messages you happen to see make you uneasy; he says they're just friends

Not conclusive alone — frequency is the test

Very fast, very intense early on: constant messages, expensive gifts, instant future plans
Apologies come fast and smooth but never name what went wrong — and it repeats
The win-back is all emotion, and never touches why it ended
Once he borrows money there's a second time, always with a reasonable new reason
Items with no owner, gaps in time that don't add up

Nothing checked.

Then this list can't help you — it only covers the most common patterns, not the specific thing you're worried about.

More useful: write down the specific thing — what he did, how you reacted, how he explained it afterward. You can only read what's written down.

The full read on each one (what it looks like, how to grade it 🟢🟡🔴, what to do) lives in thered flag handbook. If you want to work through one specific thing with someone, you can paste a chat log intothe diagnosis tab on herside.win.

Red flag checklist: 17 questions

How he treats people

How he runs this relationship

Not conclusive alone — frequency is the test

Nothing checked.